Lost and Found Faith Read online

  Maggie laughed humorlessly. “I don’t see how you could think that. We’re as different as night and day. You saw that box full of degrees and awards he has.” She stopped and swallowed. “And the woman in the picture must have been his wife, Laura. She wasn’t just beautiful. She was a nurse.” Maggie shook her head. “I don’t see any way Neil and I could work out, not long-term, and I have Oliver to consider.”

  “Ah.” Ruby nodded sagely. “So that’s what this is all about. I been wondering, ’cause you’re generally not the kind who gives up on folks easy. You’re worried you ain’t good enough for Neil, and you’re scared to death he’ll figure that out for himself and turn his back on you after you’ve learned to love him. So you’re putting up all kinds of walls, just like little Oliver did, trying to stave off the heartache.”

  She leaned back in her chair and sighed. “I’d hoped maybe the good Lord and I had loved that fear out of you over the years, but I guess maybe it’s something like this old hip of mine. Does fine most of the time, but it still flares up now and then, and always at the worst possible moment.”

  She reached across the table and gathered Maggie’s hands in hers. “But you can’t listen to fear, Maggie, my love. Listen to old Ruby, instead. Some of the best blessings we ever get are on the other side of what we’re most scared of. Love’s always a risk, that’s for sure. But it’s the risk most worth taking, child, and life would be mighty empty without it.”

  Lightning flashed blindingly outside the window, and thunder boomed, shuddering the walls of the old farmhouse.

  “Now, that one was a mite too close.” Ruby released Maggie’s hands and rubbed her arms uneasily. “Got me prickling all over.”

  “I’d better check on Oliver.” Maggie rose, relieved at the change of topic. “That’s sure to have woken him up.”

  As she hurried down the short hallway, she pondered what Ruby had said. Her foster mom was right. Now that she thought about it, there had been signs this past week that Neil’s stance against religion was softening, lots of them. Maggie didn’t know why she hadn’t noticed that herself—unless Ruby was right about the rest of it, too.

  Could it be that Maggie had given up on Neil so quickly because her own childhood fears were reasserting themselves? Was she behaving like Oliver had, pushing away somebody she was starting to care about because she was afraid she’d get hurt?

  If so, that wasn’t a good thing. Maggie knew the damage fear could do all too well.

  When she reached Oliver’s bedroom, she frowned. The door was open much wider than she’d left it. She stepped into the small room, warmly lit by the glow of a night-light.

  “Sweetie?” The bedcovers on the toddler bed were tossed back, and there was no sign of Oliver.

  Maggie snapped on the overhead light and scanned the room. It was empty. Stepping back through the doorway, she glanced down to the end of the hall. Just as she’d feared, Ruby had propped the back door open to allow cool air to flow into the old house. Only the lightweight screen door was closed, and that would be easy for a child to push open.

  Please let it be latched. If it is, I’ll know Oliver is still in the house. But if it isn’t...

  Maggie hurried to test it, and the flimsy door swung wide. The hook-and-eye latch hadn’t been fastened.

  Her heart lodged in her throat, Maggie stepped onto the back porch, slick from the blowing rain.

  “Oliver?” She heard nothing over the roar of the wind and the sound of raindrops pelting the tin roof. “Sweetie, answer me!”

  Lightning flashed again, giving her a clear glimpse of the path leading to Neil’s cabin. Oliver had cried for Neil before going to sleep. She’d thought she’d settled him down, but maybe she hadn’t. She fumbled frantically in her pocket for her phone.

  He answered on the second ring. “Maggie? What’s wrong?”

  “Oliver’s missing! I think he’s headed up to the cabin. He was so upset about you moving away—”

  “He’s not here,” Neil cut in, sounding alarmed. “If he’d shown up, I’d have called you.”

  Of course he would have. Maggie’s heart sank. “He might still be on the path. I don’t know how long he’s been gone. Neil, I’m worried. This storm is only getting worse.”

  “We’ll find him.” She heard a frantic rustling. “I’m getting my shoes on now. You search the yard and check the barns. He can’t have gotten far in this weather. I’ll look around the cabin, and then I’ll head down the trail.”

  “Neil—” She heard the plea in her own voice. He answered it swiftly.

  “It’s going to be all right. We’ll find him. I promise.”

  “All right.” She knew, of course, that there was no guarantee he could keep that vow, but somehow just hearing it steadied her nerves. She remembered what Logan had said about Neil, back at the church. He’ll protect that kid or die trying. “I’ll search the barns.”

  “If you find him, let me know. I’ll be heading your way.” The call disconnected.

  “Maggie?” Ruby called softly from the kitchen doorway. “What on earth’s going on?”

  Maggie tried to get a handle on herself before she answered. She shouldn’t upset Ruby any more than she had to. “Oliver’s not in his bed. I think maybe he slipped off to the cabin, but don’t worry. I’ve already called Neil, and he’s going to help us—”

  “Maggie, that child hasn’t gone anywhere. He’s sound asleep in your bed, this very minute.”

  “He’s what?” Maggie ran up the hallway and stumbled into her room. Sure enough, there was Oliver, spread-eagled on her bed. His stuffed VBS lion and monkey were snuggled under one arm, and he was holding her nightshirt against his face.

  “He probably got upset, what with the storm and all that talk about Neil leaving town,” Ruby murmured, “so he just climbed into his mama’s bed, where he felt the safest. Most natural thing in the world for a child to do. Come on.” She slipped one arm around Maggie’s waist. “If you’re bound to cry, at least do it in the kitchen. No sense waking the boy up.”

  Back in the bright kitchen, Maggie rubbed weakly at her eyes. “Ruby, that scared me half to death.”

  The older woman chuckled. “Welcome to motherhood, honey. Take a few deep breaths. All’s well that ends well.”

  “Oh!” Maggie gasped as a belated realization struck her. “I’ve got to tell Neil. Maybe I can catch him before he gets far from the cabin.” She punched in his number with shaky fingers.

  “You sure called him mighty quick, I notice. Before you even told me or searched the house.”

  Maggie shot her foster mom a glance. Ruby’s eyes were twinkling. “I wasn’t thinking straight.” She frowned as Neil’s voice-mail recording picked up. “He’s not answering. He probably forgot to take his phone with him. He was going to search around the cabin and then start this way.”

  “Then he ought to show up on our doorstep shortly, and we’ll give him the good news. I’ll make a nice pot of hot cocoa. That’s just what a body needs after being out in a rainstorm like this. It’s a real doozy.” Ruby moved toward the stove and began gathering her ingredients, shaking her head. “No telling how much of Sawyer’s Knob will be gone by tomorrow. The whole of it’s likely to have crumbled away.”

  “The Knob.” Maggie’s blood chilled. “Neil doesn’t know we’ve found Oliver, and I’ve talked to him about the Knob. There’s no way he’ll come all the way here without checking there first.”

  Ruby’s face paled. “It ain’t safe,” she whispered. “Especially not in a storm like this. If somebody don’t know it well—”

  “Stay with Oliver. I’m going to find Neil.” Snatching up a rain jacket, Maggie barreled out into the hammering rain.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Halfway down the trail, Neil switched the flashlight into his other hand and reached for his phone to see if he’d missed a call from Magg
ie. There’d been no sign of Oliver around the cabin, and Neil was hoping the toddler had turned up in one of Ruby’s barns.

  His shirt pocket was empty. He must’ve left his phone back at the cabin. Frustrated with himself, Neil batted away a dripping branch so forcefully that it whipped back and slapped his cheek. Served him right. Thanks to his stupid absentmindedness, now there was no way Maggie could let him know if Oliver had been found.

  Well, there was nothing he could do about it now, so maybe he should look on the bright side. For all he knew, Maggie had already called with the good news that Oliver was safe and sound.

  Neil hoped so. This storm was too wild for an adult to be out in, much less a toddler. The rain poured down in sheets, making the red clay trail dangerously slick, and the lashing wind was turning sticks and pine cones into projectiles.

  On the positive side, the cheap flashlight he’d brought home from church had turned out to be a lifesaver. Its little beam fought the darkness as Neil stumbled along, yelling Oliver’s name into the roar of the storm.

  There was no answer.

  Please, God. Please. Keep him safe. Help me find him.

  That desperate prayer had been repeating in the back of Neil’s brain for some time before he realized it. And when he did realize it, he didn’t stop. It was as if his long-buried faith had gone through some kind of emergency reboot, bypassing all his anger and all his questions.

  After he’d gotten back from the church, he’d set the little flashlight on the table, determined to sort out his confused feelings about God and think things through logically. Then Maggie had called with the news about Oliver, and logical thinking had flown out the window.

  Right now, in the teeth of this storm, there was no room for doubt. Tonight, he simply needed all the things the VBS teachers had talked about to be true. He needed God to show up and get them through this.

  Neil paused to wipe his rain-splattered glasses on his shirt, but it didn’t help much. Lightning flashed, quick, successive flashes, followed by a rolling, shuddering crack of thunder that reverberated against his chest.

  “Oliver!” Neil called again, but his voice was swallowed by the hammering of the rain.

  He’s probably fine, he reassured himself. I’ll get to the farmhouse, and Maggie will tell me they found him.

  If not... Neil’s heart flinched away from the worst possibility, from the agony it would cause Maggie—and him—if anything had happened to Oliver.

  He knew the kind of pain you risked when you loved as Maggie did, without limits. Wasn’t that why he’d shut himself off after Laura’s death? Easier to be alone, to wrap himself up in his grief like a ratty old blanket, refusing to care about his students, his friends. Himself.

  In the end, he’d turned into such a coward that he’d been reluctant to care about a stray cat.

  But then Oliver had shown up in his yard, with Maggie following behind him. Maggie with her cookies and her generous smiles and her habit of seeing the best in people. She’d sneaked up on his blind side and found her way into a part of his heart he thought he’d blocked off forever.

  Somehow, sometime over the past few weeks, he’d fallen in love with her, with both of them. It was as simple—and as complicated—as that.

  That was why he was determined to figure out his faith, why a child’s forgotten flashlight had stopped him in his tracks tonight. Because of Maggie and Oliver, because Neil wanted desperately to believe that maybe he’d accepted that Virginia job a little too soon. That maybe it was time to crack open the shoebox he’d stuffed God in after the accident.

  But then this had happened, and until they found Oliver, nothing else mattered.

  He was over halfway to the farmhouse now, and he’d seen no sign of Oliver. That was good. Probably meant the little boy hadn’t come this way at all. Just as Neil breathed a sigh of cautious relief, the flashlight’s beam lit on the old marker Maggie had pointed out to him on their first trip down this path.

  Sawyer’s Knob.

  Neil frowned. He’d forgotten about that place. He’d been to the overlook only once after Maggie had told him about it. It was an impressive view, but the eroding ground was alarmingly unstable. He hadn’t been back.

  Surely Oliver wouldn’t have ventured that way. He’d have stuck to the path, just as he had the day he’d shown up at the cabin. Neil was almost sure of it.

  Almost sure, but not completely. He needed to check it out.

  Following the flashlight’s beam, Neil thrashed down the overgrown path leading to the Knob. Wet brambles snagged at his pants—and reassured him. It was unlikely a toddler could have made it through here.

  As he neared the Knob, dangling leaves brushed against his face, reminding him of the crepe paper vines of VBS. He glanced down at the flashlight in his hand.

  Look, Neil! I gots God.

  In spite of his worry, Neil smiled at the memory. Then the little beam found the Knob—or what was left of it—and his smile faded.

  It was almost completely gone. The pointed granite rock remained, but now it jutted into empty space. The surrounding earth had liquefied into a mudslide, pouring sloppily down into the valley below.

  He didn’t think there was any way a small child could have made it up the overgrown trail, but Oliver had surprised them before. Neil needed to be absolutely sure.

  Holding his breath, he picked his way toward the slippery rock, rivulets of water rushing over his shoes. Under the flashlight’s shaky beam, another couple of inches of ground crumbled away, and the prayer repeating in the back of his brain increased in volume.

  Please, God. Please.

  Neil leaned over the edge, straining his eyes against the darkness. As his balance shifted, he slipped, and for a heart-catching second, he slid forward. At the last minute, his fingers found a crack in the rock, and he scrabbled for a handhold.

  Once he’d steadied himself, he aimed the light down the slope. It didn’t do much good. The flashlight beam wasn’t strong enough to reach the bottom of the drop-off.

  If Oliver had fallen down there, Neil needed to know. Somehow, he’d get to him. He didn’t know how, but somehow, he’d find a way. The problem was, he couldn’t see.

  “God!” Neil muttered aloud in desperation. “Please!”

  He wasn’t sure what he expected to happen, and nothing really did. The storm raged on unchecked, and the lightning flashed, brilliantly illuminating the valley for one precious split second. Neil scanned the slope in that instant, looking hard.

  No Oliver—at least, he didn’t think so. If he could get another look—

  As if on cue, the lightning flashed again, several quick flashes in a row. Thunder cracked and rolled above him. The storm was directly overhead, and the rain was coming down harder than ever.

  But none of that mattered. The lightning had given him a clear view of the whole drop-off, and there was no child crumpled at the bottom of it.

  Thank You. As he turned to pick his way back up the trail, his heart awash with relief, the prayer refrain changed. Thank You, God. Thank You.

  “Neil!” Maggie’s frantic shout reached him just as he stepped back onto the main path.

  Lightning flickered, giving him one quick glimpse of her running in his direction before she launched herself at him. He staggered backward, and the flashlight spun into a puddle as his arms went around her waist.

  She was shaking like a leaf. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured into the hollow of his throat. “I didn’t check the house before I called you. Turns out Oliver hadn’t gone anywhere. He—”

  “Whoa.” With some reluctance, he pulled away, peering under her rain hood into her face. It was too dim for him to read her expression. “Oliver’s okay? He’s safe?”

  Her head bobbed. “He was in my bed the whole time. I didn’t even think to look there. I tried calling you—”

 
“I forgot my phone.”

  “I figured, so I tore out here as quick as I could. Ruby and I were scared you’d head out to the Knob. I’m so glad you didn’t!”

  “I did. Most of it’s gone over the edge, by the way. I nearly slid over myself.”

  “Oh, Neil.” Maggie’s whole body shuddered. “You could’ve been killed, and it would have been my fault.” She put her arms back around his waist, hugging him so tightly that the breath whooshed out of him.

  They were getting soaked standing out here in the downpour, but Neil didn’t care. He put his arms around her slippery raincoat and held her close.

  She smelled like vanilla tonight, like everything good and warm and wholesome. He breathed the scent in gratefully, and then he spoke into the gap between her hood and her hair.

  “No,” he told her. “It wouldn’t have been your fault if I’d fallen, Maggie. It wouldn’t have been anybody’s fault. Sometimes things just...happen.”

  People, well-meaning people, had told him that over and over after the accident. He hadn’t really believed them, but now he knew it was true. He knew it all the way to the toes of his waterlogged shoes. A weight lifted from his heart, and joy, pure joy, rushed in like the torrent of water he’d seen rushing over the Knob. Relentless and unstoppable.

  He lifted his hands to frame her face, cupping her head through the slick plastic hood. He couldn’t see well, but he didn’t need to. He closed his eyes, leaned in and found her lips on the first try.

  When he lifted his mouth from hers, her sigh puffed against his chilled cheek.

  “Whoa,” she whispered.

  “Whoa,” he agreed softly. “I didn’t fall. Oliver’s safe. Everything’s all right.”

  She touched his cheek, her fingers slick with rain. “God is good,” she murmured. He knew it was a question, and he gave her the answer she was waiting for.

  “Yes, Maggie.” All the time. Even when we can’t see it clearly, when we don’t understand. “God is good.”